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You have invested your emotions, energy, money, time, and many other resources in other people hoping that you will end up fulfilled. You have done everything society demands of you but still, feel an emptiness inside you that craves something you just can’t figure out.

You feel so disconnected from yourself in that spending time alone feels like being in front of the meanest prosecutor.

Well done, you have done your best to focus on your environment and the people around you. You have unfortunately not got the results you desire.

Focus on yourself first

Worry not, this is a world full of second chances. You can now do the one thing that will reconcile your heart and mind. The one thing that will organize the inside of you and make everything outside of you fall within your control. That one thing is focusing on yourself.

You cannot give what you do not have. Cultivate enough self-love to fill your heart so that you can give love to someone else. Cultivate inner joy so that you can spread joy. Invest in your body strength and health so you can give a strong hand to others.

Heal your emotional wounds so you can be the remedy to the extreme toxicity in the people around you.

Why do you need to focus on yourself?


Society has imposed its demands on you. Your parents want you to become this or that. Your friends want you to speak in a certain way. Your partner wants to change you to someone contrary to what you are.

Everyone has a different perception of you. You have tried to meet all those demands and instead, feel lost or even frustrated. The question is who do you want to be?

If you focus on yourself, you are going to find the side of you that resonates with your heart. You will be able to align your heart and mind to shape the person you want to be.

If you do not focus on yourself, you are sacrificing the only person that can give you sustainable happiness. If you try to look for happiness from other people you won’t be happy for long. People come and go but you will always stay with you forever until your last day here.

You are not sure your partner will be with you forever. Your sister is going to get married to someone miles away. Your children are going to grow up and visit once a month. So, you better focus on the only person that won’t leave you. That person is you.

Your person is the only person that will be with you forever

It is not selfish to focus on yourself. Selfishness means being inconsiderate of others in situations where sharing can not negatively affect you. If you choose to focus on yourself to do some inner work and self-growth it is not being selfish.

In the first place, if you focus on others and neglect yourself, you are doing reverse selfishness which in turn affects you. When you focus on yourself, you are filling your empty or half-empty cup so you can have enough to give to others.

If you focus on yourself you will be able to heal any underlying traumas and emotional wounds. You will be able to create the life you deserve, boost self-confidence and self-esteem, become self-aware, find yourself, and discover your unique abilities. You will also attract the right people in your life.

The three main points of focus.

Body, Mind, and Soul. The three components of your life that bring you fulfillment.  A calm-oriented heart where the soul sits and a clear stable mind in a healthy and fit body give man the power to shape his world to his most ideal.

If you want to focus on yourself consider the three. Spending time in the gym and eating salads without efforts to heal your traumas leaves you with a wounded heart. Lack of mental clarity disorients all your body and heart.

The heart/soul, body, and mind all work hand in hand. Instability in one leads to instability in another. The three are different yet have a lock and key relationship. You can define each of them but can’t separate them. When the three are not aligned, doubt and insecurities creep in.

This is why you can feel in your heart the need to go back to your toxic parent or partner yet in your mind you know it’s not right. When the three are in alignment, everything in your life happens the way you want.

Have you ever been so sure about something? Your heart says yes, your body vibrates in excitement for it and your mind completely agrees. That is alignment.

Without further ado, here is how we can focus on the three to get the best out of ourselves.

Focusing on the body.

When you choose to focus on yourself, you can not ignore your own body. The best car your spirit will ever sit in. You have to work on it to look the best way it can and be in the utmost health it can. Here are the things you need to do to get the best body you deserve.

Body exercise.

Working out for at least 30minutes 4 days a week is a great way to get your body in shape, cultivate physical strength and enjoy all other health benefits that come along with exercising. It will rid you of excess body weight, toxins and also boost your body immunity. Exercise also regulates your mood to help you manage stress.

Eat a healthy diet.

You can exercise every day and even lift the heaviest of weights but if you can not change your diet, you are only working for 20% of the results of working out. Good food not only nourishes your body but also helps you manage your body weight.

Healthy meals also boost your energy levels and mood. Avoid junk and processed food that make you feel sluggish. Enjoy a natural diet of fruits, vegetables, grains, etc that contain nutrients like fiber, proteins, vitamins, etc.

Eat food that gives you life

Rest.

Give your body sufficient sleep and rest. You are probably feeling sluggish with low motivation because you didn’t have enough sleep last night. 6 to 8 hours of sleep will reset and refresh your body and mind to face the new day. It is also during sleep that the body replaces old cells to keep you healthy and fully functioning. If you have difficulties falling asleep check out the 19 ways to fall asleep very fast.

Self-care

Design a self-care routine and stick to it. Save some money to get yourself the best clothes and shoes. Go for a massage. Go sunbathing and make use of aromatherapy. Indulge yourself. Go for a full-body medical check-up to know how healthy you are.  Caring for your body will make your skin glow, rejuvenate you, relieve you of stress among other benefits.

Focusing on your mind

Are you comfortable with the state of your mind? What thoughts dominate your mind? Is it positive or negative? Does it hold the skills you desire? Are you learning every day or giving room to ignorance?

When you choose to focus on yourself, maximum attention should be put on your mental health and evolving your mind to serve you the way you desire. You are the ultimate product of your mind.

Your mind determines your thoughts, your thoughts determine your words, your words determine your habits, your habits determine your character and your character determines your destiny.

Here are the things you need to do to focus on your mind and make the best out of it.

Read

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said, ‘’Reading is essential for those who wish to rise above the ordinary’’. We seek a lot of answers in the world. We have a lot of questions that often go unanswered or get us through tough situations to find answers.

Reading is one place that makes you learn in advance what you would learn through daunting experiences. Engage your mind in reading about things that fascinate you, self help books, experiences that you are going through and skills you want to learn.

Reading a book per month will set you on a new frequency of knowledge that makes you able to approach life from a place of awareness, wisdom, and inspiration.

Reading puts you ahead of your experiences

Meditate

If you want to take control of your mind, dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to meditation. We often become slaves to our minds. Thoughts come in and out. We find ourselves acting according to them even when our conscience does not agree.

This is why you find yourself doing something and later regret it. ‘’ Why did I do this?’’ Does that question sound familiar?

Meditation makes you aware of the thoughts in your mind. It gives you the power to give attention to only those thoughts that are to your benefit. With time, the useless thoughts fade away and you achieve mental clarity. Meditation also boosts your focus. Concentration and attention span.

Sit down with a straight posture in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and pay attention to the slow inhalation and exhalation. Let thoughts move in and out of your mind without any resistance. In case your attention is taken away by any thought, seamlessly bring it back to your breathing. Do it for  10min every day.

Cultivate a positive mind.

Negative thoughts create thought patterns that often make you doubt yourself, have low self-confidence and esteem, self-sabotage yourself, expect negative results, etc. If you are thinking about yellow color, it will be easy to notice yellow objects, if you have negative thoughts, you will be seeing negativity in everything.

Cultivate a positive mindset by expecting the best, focusing on the positive, spending time with positive people, saying positive affirmations, practicing positive self-talk, and laughing.

Develop a skill

We all hate to be vulnerable and unable to identify ourselves with nothingness. Having a skill, hobby, or expertise we are good at makes us feel worthy and useful members of society. It is never too late to learn.

Find a skill or hobby that fascinates you and start mastering it. Do not give in to fear and self-sabotage. You have to be bad at something so you can become good at it. Accept not knowing so you can learn.

To become good at public speaking, you have to start speaking to the public. Your first attempt won’t be a good one but believe me, the tenth will be much better.

You can start with the guitar or anything else that fascinates you

Cultivate independent thoughts.

Avoid following the herd (herd mentality). Society is not always right about you. They see your situation through their lens. They judge you by the experiences and traumas they have gone through. Learn to think for yourself.

Always find your deep thought from your inner judgment, intuition, and logic. Identify what it says before following what the rest are saying. You will be more content if you succeed or fail from your decisions as opposed to being failed by someone else’s decision.

How to focus on your soul.

To simply put it, ‘’how to focus on your heart”. Your heart is where your soul sits. How do you feel about yourself? Can you spend time alone and not feel lonely? Can you feel joy in your heart? How much love do you have in your heart?

Or is it hate-filled? Do you love yourself? Do you seek validation from yourself or other people? How do you react to rejection? Do you reject yourself in face of rejection?

Here are the things to do to put your heart in a position to align with your mind and body.

Pray

Whether you subscribe to a certain religion or not, prayer is something you should do. You can pray to God or whatever you believe in. However, it is more important to pray to yourself as well. You have a soul within you and your subconscious mind that picks on your words that are powered with emotions.

Prayer is not just a call to God to give you what you want. It is also an intimate conversation with yourself about the things you want or are grateful for. Close your eyes in the calmest mood and talk to yourself about yourself.

Ask yourself the things you desire or to become the person want. You will be able to feel what you want. And if your eyes can see it with your heart feeling it, you can be it or get it.

Practice Self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the ability to extend compassion to yourself in situations of inadequacy, incompetency, suffering, or failure. Let your self-talk come from a friend within you not from the enemy within.

Understand that you are humanly capable of failing. And that it is through failed attempts that you make it to the successful one.

Cut yourself some slack, you are human

Do not be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself when you fall short of your self-expectations. Embrace your weakness and use them to your advantage. You may not be good at reasoning with your words. Reason with your actions. You have weaknesses and strengths do not focus on what you lack and forget what you already have.

Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not for the person that hurt you. It is for YOU. People that hurt people are quick to forget what they do until it bites them. Sometimes they forgive themselves for hurting others. This relieves them of the burden of guilt.

On the other hand, you who is hurt may take a while to forget what they did to you. You choose to keep hold of the anger and disappointment. Anger kept for so long turns to bitterness. Then you wonder why you are always, bitter, angry, and negative toward life.

Yes, you may not forget what they did, but can release the pain and disappointment they caused. This is done through forgiveness. Forgive the people that hurt you so you can be free from the wounds they brought you.

This way you can focus on yourself without having to deal with emotional inner turmoil.  We get so filled with anger and bitterness and forget to think about ourselves. Releasing all that gives you nothing but time and space to think about your life.

Money. The product of an aligned heart, mind, and body.

Money is a product of mastery. Mastery is a product of focusing on yourself. Focusing on yourself involves mastering who you are. If you can master yourself, you can master anything including money.

To be able to diligently and effectively do something that can earn you money needs a level of self-control to enable you to forego quick fixes and pleasures, sacrifice time and energy, develop a skill, or undergo daunting patience. All that takes is a willing mind, an able body, and a complying heart.

Everything you want is inside you including the amount of money you need. All you need is your body, heart, and mind to agree. Once they do, it will all materialize.

Other products of an aligned mind, heart, and body include a good spouse, fulfillment, happiness, good health, intimate friendships, and joy.

How to monitor progress when focusing on yourself.

We are all work in progress, the difference is how close we are to getting there. Some people are too imperfect, and others are just imperfect. We can’t become perfect but again we can not be too imperfect.

You can not change your imperfections at once, it requires patience, will, and consistency. Do not try to change everything at a go. Give yourself time to handle one thing at a time.

Pick out three immediate things you need to change about yourself. One for the body, one for the soul, and the other for the mind.

If it’s for the body you can start with your diet. Plan and start eating healthy meals.

For the mind, it can be impulsiveness or lack of concentration. Start practicing meditation.

For the soul, you can start praying to yourself.

Have conversations with yourself by praying to yourself

When you finally see significant progress, start on other things you can prove about yourself.

Keep doing this throughout your life. Self-improvement is endless, learning is unlimited and love is boundless. The more you dig deep the better you become.

Conclusion: Nothing is more satisfying than focusing on yourself, it makes you a fountain of love, purity, kindness, success, and generosity. Through focusing on yourself you can be able to impact your environment and the people around you.