66,000 people searched online on how to kill themselves 10 days back to this very moment am writing this article. According to afsp.org, 130 people die by suicide per day. This means at least 1300 people died by suicide in the last 10 days.
I can’t confirm how many of those 66,000 went on to commit suicide. But I hope those that will search for the same thing again will read this post before they do anything dangerous.
Being suicidal means having a desire to end one’s life earlier than it would end. Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death.
If you asked if suicide is the right thing to do, I wouldn’t say yes or no. The answer is relative. Right now I will say it’s not the right thing to do. Taken back to 2019, I would definitely tell you it’s okay to commit suicide.
18th April, machete wilding men broke into mom’s house and hacked her head several times wrapped her in a blanket, and locked her in her bedroom. When they left my niece called out for help and mom got saved.
4th November, still undergoing trauma and healing from the physical pain, the men came back. With sleeping problems, Mom was awake when they started breaking in. Grandma was in the house. Mom called her and my niece begging them to wake up and run.
Mom and my niece managed to escape through another door. Grandma was feeble and slow so they got her. They thought she was mom since her daughter looked just like her. Grandma’s hand and chest were hacked.
They put couches on top of her and put the entire house on fire. 60km away I drove home. Only to find the house that had raised me burnt down to debris. The police had removed grandma’s body and taken it to the hospital for autopsy.
Grandma was gone. Mom’s trauma’s worsened. My family was broken. The five-bedroom house was burnt down. Our home was then debris. Everybody at home was traumatized.
I was broke and unemployed. At that moment the only positive thing I had was a girlfriend I loved so much. I was broken mentally and emotionally. Just when you hope that the worst has come and nothing worse can follow, I discovered that my girlfriend was cheating on me with two other guys.
The loss of my beloved grandma, mom traumatized to the bone, my family broken, my girlfriend cheating on me with two guys, empty pockets, and unpaid bills. What was the point of living?
On the first day of the total lockdown, she dumped me for one of the guys. I was to be alone in the toughest time of my life. To wake up facing the walls every morning, alone in my apartment. I hated the sunrise.
Only sleep could keep me away from the inner turmoil. To wake up meant another day of emotional pain, anxiety, loneliness, trauma, and depression.
So if I tell you that at that moment suicide was the right answer to everything I was going through, believe me, I was right. It was only as right and true as I felt.
But if I had committed the suicide I contemplated, I wouldn’t be in a position to write this. I am stable mentally, emotionally and happy. My mom is healthy and my family is healing. I have a business running and a job as a news anchor.
I don’t know what you are going through, it might even be worse than what I faced but I know you searched for this because you are contemplating suicide. I am not going to tell you not to do it or to do it. All I ask is please walk with me until the end of this article.
Things you need to know before you commit suicide.
One of the causes of suicide is perceived burdensomeness. The thought that you are a burden to the people around you. I will discuss this deeper. The people around you suffer emotional pain as well.
They have underlying traumas, insecurities, and fears that they deal with every day. Sometimes these come as unfair projections or treatment to you. Despite all that, they do love you and are just as imperfect as you.
If you kill yourself, you will hurt a lot of people. Your desire to rid them of a burden might cause them pain and traumas they will deal with for the rest of their lives.
When I was a child, a man in the neighborhood hanged himself. My eyes saw him hanging lifeless. It scared me. I overheard one adult saying that he did it to end his problems. Debts, bills, and the inability to provide for his family due to unemployment made him take away his life.
To him, those problems might have ended but they didn’t for his three boys and wife. In fact, his death brought more. The boys suffered stigma being known as sons to a victim of suicide.
In his YouTube recovery story, Jordan Burnham mentions the regret he felt when he realized the pain he had caused his parents while in the hospital nursing injuries from his failed suicide attempt. If he could see them hurting after the failed suicide attempt, imagine how much pain they could go through that he wouldn’t see if he had died.
Many victims of failed suicide regret attempting it because they get to realize the reason for attempting to kill themselves was not worth their life. They realize that their death would be a much bigger problem.
Another video on YouTube that I am so grateful for is the one titled ‘’Choose to stay’’. You might feel like what you are facing is unending or there is no light at the end of the tunnel but if you stay a little longer, believe me, you are going to see light.
I felt like my family would never make it out of the storm that had hit us. I felt like I would never move on from the heartbreak. I thought my pain would not storm. When I started to think there was no point to live, I landed on that video.
It inspired me to stay here. The days were horrible, it was painful to live but as they went by, the darkness got lighter and lighter. The pain was reduced. I could afford to smile after a long while.
Am thankful I stayed, I would not have seen my mother smile again. I would not have been be able to have a healthy conversation. I would not have known what it is like to move on. I would not know what it felt like to love my siblings more after overcoming a storm. I would not have experienced the joy of becoming a news broadcaster. Something I only had in a dream.
I want you to stay a little longer, just make it through the day. As the dark days start and end, the days of light get nearer and nearer. If you be patient and resist taking away your life, you will one day wake up, stretch your hands with excitement for the new day. It is painful right now and all seems lost but please hang on. The universe has plans for you.
I understand you want to kill yourself but if the worst has come to the worst, do you know how strong you will be emotionally and mentally if you make it out? Do you know the lessons you have learned in life that can make you someone the world looks up to? Do you know how many lives you can save or change if you make it?
Adversity makes strong men and women. Impure gold goes through a furnace burning at 1064 C to become pure gold. Once you make it through the furnace believe me you will be another person in a great place. Do not end your life, end the life you are living. Let it burn in the furnace so you design a new one from a place of maturity, experience, and strength.
The words to verbalize how you feel
Suicidality, attempted suicide, and completed suicide are majorly caused by reasons classified into two.
“I was waking up and I didn’t want to be alive. I was making everybody’s life a misery. Everybody who was close to me I was pushing away’’. Words of legendary heavyweight champion boxer Tyson Fury when he admitted contemplating suicide and edging on intentionally crashing his car into a bridge.
Perceived burdensomeness is a set of perceived thoughts of being a burden to your environment and people around you most especially family. When one starts to believe that their existence is of less value compared to their death, he or she is most likely to become suicidal. Many elderly people start to get thoughts of being a burden to their children and contemplate suicide.
The thoughts are also common with minorities like the disabled. Nick Vujicic, born without limbs, contemplated suicide on several occasions. He stayed, however. Today he is one of the great motivational speakers that have changed countless lives.
If Tyson Fury had gone on to kill himself, imagine how much pain he would leave his wife and kids in. He bounced back to win the world boxing championship belt from Deontay Wilder.
You are not a burden to anyone. You are more important than you think yourself to be. Your life matters to the world and you have more to give before you die. When the light finally comes and you bounce back from adversity you will realize how much you will have denied the world if you had killed yourself.
At the moment you can’t see it, all you see is your pain. You do not know me and have no reason to believe in you, but tell you what? I have been there and I ask you to stay. Please stay, when the time comes you will thank me.
Thwarted or failed belongingness
In his 2003 New Yorker article on suicide at the Golden Gate Bridge, Tad Friend quoted psychiatrist Jerome Motto on the suicide that affected him most. Motto said, “I went to this guy’s apartment afterward with the assistant medical examiner.
The guy was in his thirties, lived alone, pretty bare apartment. He’d written a note and left it on his bureau. It said, ‘I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.’’
Human beings are so interconnected than we actually think. To be left out or excluded from society can make one feel so lonely and unworthy. Failed belongingness is a feeling and experience that one is alienated from society, not part of a family, a group of friends, or a community of value.
Even a person with the highest level of self love desires to connect with his or her environment and feel accepted. To fail to feel a sense of belongingness means loneliness, rejection, feelings of unworthiness, or being unacceptably different.
It broke my heart to read about the message the man left behind. I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.’’ How long had he yearned for a humane connection?
Something as simple as a smile could save his life. How much rejection did he feel in his heart to come to such a conclusion? Many kids have committed suicide because of such feelings of isolation from their fellows for perhaps being different mentally, physically, sexually, etc.
If you are feeling isolated with nowhere to belong please stay a little longer. Give your life a chance. You can always start over. Nothing about you has anything to do with your isolation. It all has everything to do with the people around.
If you take your life, you will miss the day when the right people will come into your life. Please stay. You are worthy of love. You are worth hanging out with. Just like anyone in the world, you are imperfect with flaws that can be changed to the life you want.
Life has many chances for you for as long as you are breathing. The dark days are not easy but each day that passes by draws you closer to light. Give yourself a chance to walk through the pain, walk through the loneliness, cry and limp on until that day you look back and say ‘’I am strong because I made it through a tough time’’.
Is self-love the solution?
A diamond is mined deep from the ground. It comes out dirty and rough. It is then washed and polished to shine and become one of the most valuable stones in the world. You are a diamond, your lack of awareness of who you are is causing you self-hate instead of self-love.
If you knew who you are, you wouldn’t even consider killing yourself. To mine, a diamond is to attempt to look for it. In this case, it is soul searching or finding yourself. This includes removing the soil covering the diamond, washing and polishing it to shine and become so precious.
The soil, dirt, and rough surface covering the diamond, are the situations you are going through, the hate you have toward yourself, the wrong perceptions about yourself, the negative view toward life, and all that negativity in your mind. If you choose to mine the diamond within you, you will put in the effort to remove all these negativities.
It is not going to be easy but with effort, you will be surprised how fast your life changes. You will be overwhelmed by how much love you will gain for yourself. Now you might say that some people mine and search for diamonds and never find them.
That only happens if they weren’t certain of the existence of the diamond in the soil. However, for you, your existence is a pure manifestation of the diamond in you that you need to discover.
Yes, self-love is a great solution to suicidal thoughts. Most times you get thoughts of being a burden to others because of the inner turmoil inside you. If you develop enough self love the people around you won’t mind you being a burden to them. You won’t even feel like one.
With self-love, you will not worry about being rejected and not accepted because you accept yourself in the first place. Even when you have no one by you, you will be okay because you have yourself and are okay living with yourself.
Reaching that level in life brings you a lot of people who want and enjoy being with you. If you can live happily with your inner self, anyone can live happily with you.
What to do before you kill yourself.
1.Do not stop trying.
Hope is the fuel that pushes a person in a hopeless situation to keep going. Hope exists yet with nothing to prove it. Only faith and belief guarantee you hope that brings results. So you have to be hopeful for a brighter day.
Keep your mind on that day when you will wake up with your worries, fears, anxieties, and problems behind you. That day is as real as you believe it. If you give up on hoping, it never comes.
If you give up on that hope, you have chosen to let go of the only fuel to drive you from your situation and decided to stay the way you are. I want you to fight on. Do not give up on yourself.
Face every day as it comes until you finally reach the end of the tunnel where light is. So hold on. Please keep breathing and stay alive because the good days are coming.
2. Talk to someone.
It is very dangerous to remain silent when haunted by suicidal thoughts. Do not give in to the fear of being judged or called a coward. Only people that have not known the deep ends of pain can call you a coward. In fact, they are the cowards themselves because they judge from a place of inexperience.
Speak to someone you trust, a friend, family, or a psychotherapist. To be in a situation where you contemplate suicide and be able to seek help from someone for strength to fight on, it is understanding that you are going through a tough time where a hand from someone plus your own strength can accelerate your way out of that situation.
If you are playing soccer or rugby and you break your leg, asking someone to help you limp to the nearest doctor isn’t a weakness. It is awareness and hopes that you are going to be fine after treatment. The same applies to emotional and psychological breakdown, with help from someone you can be able to heal.
How to kill yourself.
So you opened your browser and searched how to kill yourself? Well, am surely going to tell you how. But the person we are going to kill is the person you are now not the person you are meant to be.
The good news here is that your life is very much reinventable. You can reinvent the life you want, bounce back from adversity and become someone society looks up to. It all takes just two things.
1. The starting point
The start point is where you are now. It is who you are now. It is the situation you are in right now. Get a pen and paper write down everything that you are now, everything you are going through right now, and where you are now.
Let it be as real as it is. Positive or negative, write it down. Pour your heart out and leave nothing out. After that, read through it and say ‘’this is the person am going to kill’’.
2. The endpoint.
Who do you want to become? Where do you want to be? What kind of situation do you desire? What kind of people do you want around you? Get another piece of paper and write down answers to these questions.
Add everything else positive that you want. After, read through and say ‘’this is the person I am becoming’’
Put the two papers on opposite sides. One on the left and the other on the right.
3. The journey.
In the middle of the two papers, place another blank piece of paper. On it, write down the things you need, to get from the starting point to the endpoint. These can be, people, tools, skills, emotional support, money, etc.
Write down where you can get these things from. For example, if it’s weight loss on your start point with being in shape on your endpoint, exercise and a healthy low-calorie diet should be on the paper in the middle. Write down everything you need to do to get to the endpoint.
Once again read through the paper and say to yourself ‘’the birth of a new me has started’’.
4. Get Started
It will feel pointless or hard to take the first step. You will not feel excited or enthusiastic about your plans. In fact, everything in your heart and mind will tell you to just give up.
Ignore those voices, force yourself to do the work. Do not ask when you will see the results. Handle each day as it comes. Face it with determination. Do what you have to do everyday. Things will start to take care of themselves once you play your part.
Every new day will become easier than the previous day. You will draw closer to your day of victory. Just take it step by step. Cry through your work out but do not give up.
The one step you should take.
If you are depressed, having an emotional, mental, or psychological breakdown the one thing you should start with to get yourself back up, to feel better, to give yourself a break from pain is exercise. Yes, EXERCISE.
Working out does not only make you fit, strong and healthy but also kickstarts your healing process. It puts you in a position to face your situation for a solution. The emotional and mental breakdown is characterized by high levels of stress in the body.
When you are feeling suicidal your body is filled with stress-causing your emotional pain. Stress is caused by high levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
Working out produces feel-good hormones like endorphins and dopamine that regulate one’s mood and inner wellbeing. Working out consistently for at least 5days will boost your mood, alleviate your heartache, anxieties, and racing mind.
Yes, it won’t provide a permanent solution to what caused you the pain in the first place, but it will give you the emotional and mental strength to face the situation with a stable heart and mind.
This way you can be able to deal with suicidal thoughts and also receive therapy and healing. Exercise is like an energy drink to a tired mind and heavy heart. It gives you the strength to deal with the emotional and mental distress.
Conclusion. If you are facing so much pain and want to kill yourself, I ask one thing of you. Understanding what you are going through, dedicate the next four months to following the information above. Committee to it through all pain. If you are considering killing yourself now, waiting a little longer won’t hurt.
Four months of doing the above and I guarantee you, you will be a far different person. You will walk from your start point to the endpoint if you commit. It will be painful, tiresome and sometimes you will feel like giving up but please hang on. Your goals may be impossible to achieve within four months but believe me, you will be able to see them in sight range.
My client Carol (not the real name) had a failed suicide attempt. When she came to me after that. We started off by jogging. She was depressed and in pain. She believed and put faith in the START TO END therapy. She cried while jogging. She did it like her life depended on it. At the end of the first week, she could go out to look at the sky and smile.
At the end of the four months, following more guidance, she was a completely different woman. Even though she didn’t have all her loans paid, she was happy and positive that they would soon be paid fully. It is not over dear reader. Please stay. Stay for the person you are meant to become. Stay, for your family. Please stay.