‘’Feel and look good’’. Does that spark something in your mind? Of course, it does. We all want to feel and look good. When you feel good, you are so happy with yourself. You view the world from an optimistic perspective. No one wants to feel bad. No one.
When we notice that we are not feeling good, we try to do something about it. We try to do some shopping, have sex, talk to a friend, go out for a drink, anything that can take away that bad feeling.
However, most of those things that we do only numb the bad feeling but never uproot it. We want to explore how we can fundamentally cultivate good, profound, and positive feelings within us. A feeling is an emotional state representing those events happening within our bodies and minds.
Most of the time feeling and looking good go hand in hand. Even though it’s possible to feel good and look bad, it is unsustainable and impossible to profoundly look good and feel bad at the same time.
By feeling good we mean having those positive feelings like love, hope, faith, gratitude, inspiration, interest, awe, joy, confidence, etc. By looking good we mean, being in shape, smartly dressed, great body hygiene, glowing, groomed, etc.
To easily achieve our goal of feeling and looking good, let us break down these two first.
How to feel good.
To put this in simple terms, assume that you are a computer. The external and tangible parts of a computer are what the eyes see. A good-looking computer will have a clean and unscratched surface of the hardware in the color the owner likes.
The software installed on the computer is the unseen element experienced by the user. In this case, the hardware represents our bodies. Our bodies are what we see and touch. We want them to look the way we want. Dressed in clothes we like with colors we like.
The software represents our unseen yet feelings we feel. If the software is good, we have a great experience with it. If it’s corrupted by a virus, our experience with it is bad. If our feelings are good, we feel and have a good experience. If they are corrupted by negative feelings, we feel and have a bad experience.
So, if you want to have a good experience with a computer, get one with good hardware and install safe and quality software free from viruses and bags.
Likewise, if you want to look good, take care of your body to be in the shape and clothes you like. If you want to feel good, you have to install good feelings in your heart and positive thoughts in your mind.
Yes, you can. You have a choice to choose what goes into your mind and heart just like you choose what clothes you want to put on or whether you will shower warm or cold water.
In the article about self-love, we explored how you can learn to love yourself. Self-love is one thing that will kick start your feeling good about yourself and your environment. It is delusional to seek solutions for the bad feelings inside you from outside you. Drinking will not uproot the bad feelings. It will only numb them. Neither cocaine nor blame-shifting.
You are responsible for how you feel. Our feelings are just symptoms of the negativity we harbor in our hearts and minds. The guilty, shame, failure, hate, anger, etc. If you are feeling bad, turn your eyes to look inside your heart and mind.
Ask yourself why you are feeling that way. Find out where the negative feelings are coming from. Do something to remove that root cause of the bad feelings in your heart. Take, for instance, if you have anger inside you, you will not feel good for as long as you keep it.
Freud Sigmund once said ‘’ Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways’’. That anger you have in your heart, for your parents for not loving you the way you wish, for your ex breaking your heart, for your friend betraying you, etc will not defuse from your heart if you don’t express it.
You will learn to live with it and its fruits. Anger is a seed whose fruition is bitterness and feeling bad. Confront that anger through forgiveness. Accept that it happened and it lies in your past. If need be, meet that person that brought you that anger and express to them how you feel. I assure you, regardless of how they will react, you will be free from that emotion.
We have traumas from childhood, heartbreaks, physical abuse, sexual abuse, sickness, etc. All these created bad feelings with us which have gone on to affect our well-being. They lay within our hearts and mind.
Let me tell you something, my dear. They are not permanent. You were not born with them. They only entered your heart and mind at some point. Like a seed, they grew up into a tree that bore you negative fruits. The good news is that just like a physical tree they can be cut down. It may not be easy but very possible. How much commitment you put in corresponds with how fast you get rid of them.
When you fast got your heartbreak, the first day didn’t feel like the day you raised your hands to the sky and thanked heavens for being able to move on. When you decide to move on and put in all the effort that you need to, you move on. Time heals all wounds. As cliché as it may sound, it is true. How long people decide to move on from their guilt, traumas and heartbreaks depend on how much effort they put in.
You want to move on from your ex but can’t acknowledge that you had a hand in failing the relationship. Wanting to play 100% innocent has put you in a place where you have to always prove that. In addition to that, you do not want to forgive your ex. You want to move on at the same time harbor hatred towards your ex. Then, you wonder why it is taking you years to move on.
Take the initiative to decide what thoughts enter your mind. Which thoughts do you give your emotional energy? One thing you must treasure so much in your life is your emotional energy. Emotional energy is like water to a seed in the soil. If you plant a seed in dry soil, it will not germinate without water however resilient it may be.
Your mind is the soil and your thoughts are the seeds. Your emotions from your heart are the water that makes the seeds (thoughts) germinate. Every thought that you give emotional energy grows into something in our lives.
If someone calls you stupid and you just ignore them, it will slide. You keep your peace and that person will remain with their negativity. If you however react by getting angry, it will take away your peace. Anger is an emotion that makes the abuse a big deal. But it’s not, you know you are not stupid. And someone calling you that should not destabilize how you feel. Know how to expend your emotional energy.
On the positive side, invest your emotions in things that make you feel good. Laugh with friends to feel joy. Make love with your partner. That which you give emotions in your heart makes you feel accordingly. If it’s thoughts of anger, you become bitter. If its thoughts of joy or gratitude you become happy.
The thoughts in our minds determine how we feel. Below are five things you should do to ensure that your mind is set for thoughts that cultivate great feelings.
Let yourself experience Joy.
Stop being uptight. Let your inner child loose. Adulthood most times becomes a kind of prison for humans. We all were once children full of curiosity, open-mindedness, and a desire to experience joy. As we grew up society shaped us to become its idea of who an adult should be.
Because we are scared of being judged or called childish, we repress the curious, carefree, and energetic inner child. We want to jump to the sky. We want to get up and dance. We want to be hugged like babies. We want to play in the rain. We run around and explore our curiosities.
But because society has shaped an image of an adult being serious and grounded, we choose to be that and live with repressed desires. If what you want to do does not cause any psychological or physical harm to you or anyone, go ahead and do it. Don’t wait till you are old and feeble to try dancing.
- Stop living in the past.
Time moves forward not backward. Yes, you may have done some things in the past that you are not proud of. Someone may have put you in a traumatizing and challenging situation. That is in the past.
What is the way forward? Are you going to sit there and wallow in thoughts of your past experiences or plan the way forward so you don’t end up in the same situation?
We attract that which we are in our thoughts. If we are broken in our thoughts, we are going to attract situations and people that are broken as well. Learn from the past, plan for the future, act on the present.
Here is the thing, our present thoughts and actions shape our future. If you are heartbroken and your thoughts and actions are focused on moving on, in the future, you will have moved on.
If you are building a house today, you will have a house tomorrow. If you are wishing to have back the ex that left you for someone else, you have that person back and they will leave you again. Put the past in the past. Pages of the past are full. The present has new fresh pages, choose wisely what to write on them.
3. Solitude is your date with yourself.
Finding time for solitude is very therapeutic to one’s emotional and mental health. Being alone gives you time to live within your mind and find yourself. Being alone does not mean being lonely. Being alone means hanging out with yourself ie you + self. You and your friend within.
Intended or not that friend (soul or inner man or spirit) moves with you always. If you are in harmony with your soul or spirit you find solitude a good place for you. If you are at war with your spirit that is if you are overtaken by your ego and negativity, you hate being alone.
Why? Because when alone, your thoughts haunt you until you reconcile with them. Being lonely means lacking that inner friend. It means being uncomfortable with yourself.
Solitude if given enough time, helps you reconcile with your inner man. It helps you get mental clarity and get self-aware. Solitude helps you go within yourself and find the root cause of how you are feeling. Then you can be able to act upon it to feel good.
4. Starve negative thoughts.
As we explored earlier, what you give energy, grows to fruition. Preciously hold your emotional and mental energy. Learn to ignore that which is meant to take away your peace and joy.
Not every battle you are invited to you should fight. Some battles will cost you more compared to the gains. Learn to let go of some things and people. Take the wheel of your life and drive it the way that gives you peace. Do not be impulsive. Think and rethink your response to people and situations. Most of all, never react but only respond.
5. Surround yourself with happy people.
I once lived with a friend. A young man that had experienced a lot of challenging situations growing up. Subjected to heavy labor as a child by his father who later passed on leaving him with a poor mother.
He was not able to concentrate in class due to instabilities at home. The poor grades at school made him feel the least worthy of anything. He found comfort in being a downer. He would turn every situation into negative.
I tried to help him but he never wanted to change. Later I realized the negative talk and energy had somehow spread to me. I gradually withdrew from him for my peace of mind.
If he wasn’t willing to change, I wasn’t willing to be sad either. Emotions and mindsets are contagious. You become an average of the people around you. They influence a lot of your thoughts and actions.
We like to convince ourselves that we are autonomous in our thoughts and actions but the reality is we are not. To be on the safe side choose people that have the emotional stability, energy, and thoughts you want. If you want to fly, hang around the eagles.
6. Complete a task.
One thing that makes us feel bad is guilt. We always have underlying guilt in our hearts for not doing what we are supposed to do. And often we forget that it’s the root cause of the way we feel sometimes.
You will not feel good if you have a plethora of tasks incomplete or undone. However much you try to convince or distract yourself to feel good, reality will eventually kick in. However, if you choose to do and complete daily tasks however small they may be, you get to feel good.
Completing a task gives you a feeling similar to that of a runner’s high. An euphoric feeling after finishing a workout. You then feel inspired and motivated to take on other tasks. This energy moves to influence other aspects of your life. You get a mindset and belief that no matter what, you will get to the other side.
7. Master a skill.
We all at some point knew nothing about that which we know now. At some point we are learners. To learn a new skill and master it, gives us confidence in our abilities. It takes effort, time, and commitment to master a skill.
You not only gain a skill but also boost your mental strength. Here is the thing, you have to fight discouragements, self sabotage, procrastination, self-doubt, weakness, laziness, and distraction to focus on learning a skill and mastering it.
The process prepares you to have the same commitment and sacrifice when you choose to put yourself in a position to feel good and self-loved.
How to look good.
When the feeling is right, the outside is alright. YES. We have explored the psychological side of feeling and looking good. If we feel good, chances are we shall easily put the looking good in place.
I would have covered the feeling that is caused by an illness or unstable body health but I thought it important to give extra attention to psychological-based feelings separately. Let us now explore the physical look. If the body feels healthy and strong, there is no doubt you will look good.
The food we eat and how we take care of our body determines how good we look and not to forget to feel. Before we continue, what does it mean to look good?
Looking good means being visually attractive and appealing to your eyes and the people around you. Even though the concept of attractive and appealing is relative, if you look at yourself and feel okay with what you see then you look good.
Your best dress or suit maybe someone else’s worst. You can’t be appealing to everyone but if your gut feeling gives an upright thumb, your good. So here is what to do in case your gut feeling is giving you a downright thumb.
- Work out,
If you have some extra pounds on you, hit the gym or the road. You can also work out from home. Youtube is full of home workouts that do work. I lost a lot of pounds in the lockdown working out from home.
Working out does not only put you in the right body shape to look good but also gives you mental agility and physical strength. It makes you fit and healthier protecting you from chronic diseases like hypertension and diabetes. Working out gives you heart health.
It reduces anxieties and depression. I heard both problems and I can attest the gym became my go-to place to recover. The endorphins produced during and after working out offset and minimize cortisol the stress hormone enabling you to feel good and relaxed. Exercise for a healthy emotional and mental state is another you get.
2. Clean Up.
Personal hygiene is very important if you want to feel and look good. A clean person is a magnet to people. If you feel and look good you become contagious and appealing to people who value those two things.
Visit your dentist at least once a year. A clean smile stimulates positive feelings in yourself and the people around you. It also boosts self confidence. Endeavor to have a clean environment. We are challenged to look as good as our environment. Imagine leaving in a very clean house with you very dirty or vice versa. A clean place also boosts your mood and sets your mind clear.
3. Eat right.
Have you ever eaten something and felt so sluggish at the same time? Or even got your body reacting. Yes, a bad meal can make you feel and look bad. A balanced diet with all the nutrients that nourish the body can keep your body stable and glowing on the outside. It will keep you healthy and strong.
Selfcare is very important. It involves looking after your body to look good and attractive. One of the ways to do that is to have yourself groomed. A good haircut will make you look neat, tidy, and fresh. Have that manicure and pedicure, get that beard worked, get a hair treatment, get a body scrub, etc. Do that which makes your look your best.
5. Have sex.
If you are an adult reading this, let me tell you something. SEX MAKES YOU LOOK GOOD’’. Sex relaxes you, produces feel-good hormones that minimize stress hormones. In turn, you feel good and happy then you start glowing. Meanwhile, don’t just have sex, have good sex. Bad sex will do the opposite.
6. Wear confidence.
Wear confidence on you. Every confident person looks good. However clean and smart you dress, if you are not confident, your efforts won’t be noticed. They will be hidden in your lack of confidence.
Master the art of self-confidence. Stand straight, speak in a low composed tone, and all ways to come off as confident. Build profound confidence by mastering yourself.
Conclusion: To feel and look good comes with effort. On the spiritual and emotional level, it involves you developing a positive attitude towards giving priority to things that make you feel in harmony with your inner self. On the physical level, it involves you doing things that make you look and feel good. It is possible to look and feel good. However, it takes effort. If you put in the work, you put your mind and physical outlook in a position to raise your other aspects of life to the same frequency. I want you to feel and look good because you deserve it. If this was helpful please share with me what you do to feel and look good.