How to start over in life. Four steps to redirect your life to where you want it to be.

Sometimes life gets you in a place you never at any point desired or wished to be in. You wake up one cold morning and it just hits you how unhappy you are. You find yourself in a relationship that sucks the life out of you and just can’t figure out how to get out of it.

You love your partner but the relationship is in a dark place and you wonder if things can be any different. You took on a career that was never your passion and every day feels like a walk-in hell. You have had life-changing situations or experiences that you just can’t figure out how to live with them.

You have a choice to start over.

Starting over is a possibility for everyone. No matter how hard, stressful, heartbreaking, life-threatening, or spirit-breaking your situation may be, you can start over and live a better life.

Starting over means changing the direction of your life from that which you dislike to that which you desire.

But is it as easy as it sounds? Can you just wake up one day and change from a lonely, broke, and miserable out-of-shape person to a rich, healthy, and happy best version of yourself?

The truth is it’s not easy. It does not come quick. It takes consistency, persistency, resiliency, sacrifice, and determination. However, it does not mean it’s impossible. You can change your life from the one you hate to the one you love.

Why you should start over

It’s never too late to start over. Forget feeling too old. Harland Sanders did not have a breakthrough until 65 when he started KFC. Robert Greene had nothing to his name until 38 when his book the 48 laws of power broke through.

Do not be held by the wrong perception that you are late on anything in life, starting over to be specific. Do it now and the rest of your days will be exciting.

Yes, it is most times very hard to start over. Deciding to do it might cost you a lot of things like family, friends, a social life, or even break some hearts but none of those will forever be unhappy or permanently affected by your decision.

However, your inability to start over can forever affect you. No matter how hard it is, you can start over and consciously redirect your life to where you want it to be.

Our fear of the unknown is one thing that keeps us in the prison of limitations, fear, unhappiness, and unexploited potential. We fear to express our inner desires, nature, essence, and to chase our dreams due to fear of judgment, failure, loneliness, etc. Then we follow the road most traveled because it is familiar and known (conformity).

Our ability to pursue the unknown and live a life according to our inner qualities, a life we deeply desire independent of societal influence is what makes us fulfilled. That life is always in the unknown. You have been living a life imposed on you by society, enter the unknown, and explore the life you want. That you can do, by starting over.

Think about your last day here. Would you be happy about your life? Would you say you lived the life you were supposed to live? Most of the patients in hospices who are certain about their approaching death, wish for one thing, ‘’to have done the things they wished to do and lived the life they wanted’’.

You have more years ahead. No doctor has told you that you will die in a month or a week, why not start living the life you want so someday you can look back and smile and say ‘’ I demand nothing of life, it gave me all I asked’’.

When to start over…..

There is never and will never be the right time to start over than now. Now is when you need to start over. The more you procrastinate about starting over, the further you push away the good life you desire. You need to start starting over right now.

Start over now.

You may not need to change everything about you at ago. Sometimes starting over starts with a step as simple as accepting that you need to start over followed by a good plan to do it. You do not need to quit your job without a strategy and a plan for life after. Start planning now and be intentional about it.

What is starting over made of?

Usually, it is one aspect of our lives that sparks a desire to stop and turn things around in the direction we want. It can be a relationship, career, health, or social life. We focus on making changes in that aspect of life that needs a start over.

However, a fundamental and impactful start over requires reinventing oneself by directing one’s body, mind, and soul to a point where all the three are coherent.

Let your body be healthy and strong enough to support your plans. Let your mind be healthy, equipped and strong enough to get you where you want to be. Let your heart or soul be healthy and full of positive energy to fuel your pursuit of the life you want.

Therefore, starting over is made of putting your body, mind, and soul or heart in a direction where they all meet at a point that makes you fulfilled.

How to start over…..

Starting over takes a series of steps to get to a point where man is satisfied with what he has, who he is, and where he is as compared to what he had, who he was, and where he was. There is no specific time allocated to how long one may spend at every step.

Some people take a short time while others take longer than expected. Despite how long you take, as long as you are moving you will get there. Below are elaborative steps to take to start over.

Step 1: Stabilize yourself.

Most of the time we realize the need to start over when we are going through a challenging and testing time of our lives. Rarely does one consider starting over when everything is going well. It is usually during a heartbreak, a loss of a loved one or something very precious, during sickness, depression, loneliness, etc.

Such situations always come with stress and a lot of negative emotions that alter how we think and behave when physically and mentally stable.

In such a state, it is not advisable to think about the next move to take. Chances are it will not be informed by the right considerations. If you are heartbroken after being dumped, chances are the decisions you will make may be fueled by shame or a desire for revenge on your ex.

You will make the best decisions when you are either influenced by extreme negative emotions or extreme positive emotions.

To therefore get into a place where you will plan a perfect start over, you need to stabilize your mind, heart, and body. The number one way to do this is to exercise. Working out is way more impactful than just losing weight or getting muscles and strength.

Working out strengthens the mind and makes it resilient. Something you need, to start over. Working out regulates stress hormones cortisol by releasing endorphins that stabilize your mood relieving you of negative emotions. Better still it gives you body strength to get you started. Work out for mental and emotional strength.

Other things you can do to stabilize include;

Eating healthy meals to boost your body health. Your food has a great impact on both your body and mood.

Spending time with loved ones like family will help you get the love and positive energy you need to stabilize your emotions. This way you can find someone you trust to talk to.

With family, you can get love to stabilize you.

If you are religious or spiritual, spending time with your God through prayer and mediation will help you release the negative energy and emotions.

When you finally reach a point where you feel stronger than the negative emotions in your heart and mind, then you can go to step two.

Step two: Self EXAMINATION.

From the psychological perspective, self-examination is the process of looking into oneself to assess one’s behavior, attitude, reactions, responses, and important aspects of one’s life. When in a boxing fight, if one boxer is knocked down, he is given a chance to get up and stabilize so he can fight again.

Having stabilized at step one does not mean that your troubles or situation have fled away. You are coming back into the fight stronger and with new strategies.

Analyze your contribution to where you are right now. It is very important not to play the blame game here. You have no control over what other people or the world does to you.

You however have control over how you respond or react to it. Our responses and reactions have a great impact on what follows next or simply said the future.

What are those things you have been doing that have kept you broke, sad, lonely, sick, heartbroken, addicted, or failing to move on?

What bad habits, lifestyle choices, decisions and actions do you need to get rid of to change your situation?

Use the elimination method to your advantage. Scrutinize yourself and write down everything about your character, personality, goals, ambitions, behavior, etc.

Go on and cancel out each and everything on your list that does not make you a better person.

From that list, you know who you are not supposed to be.

Get another paper and write down everything you want to be.

In my self-reinvention statement when I was starting over, I told myself that ‘’I want to be a rich, happy, healthy, and successful journalist with a beautiful family’’. I wrote it down and that gave birth to my starting over.

A clear picture or perception of who you want to create in yourself, having clear body, mind, and heart or soul goals sets you for step three.

Step three: Strategize and Consolidate your forces.

You are physically, mentally, and emotionally stable and have already established your self re-invention statement or start over statement. You have a list of things you want to apply in your life or achieve. That list containing body, mind, and soul goals has one thing that is easier to change compared to the rest.

The body goals have what you want your body to be like i.e healthy, fit, in shape, etc. The mind has the skills, state of mind, financial status, etc, that you want to get. The soul or heart has the emotions you want to have like, compassion, empathy, love, etc.

For the three elements of you (body, mind, and soul) pick up one thing to kick start your start over process.  You do not have to try changing or achieving a lot of things at the same time. You will get overwhelmed and banned out. Pick the small and easily achievable things that can propel you to take on bigger ones.

For example, you can say you are going to start working out for your body, reading a book or meditating for your mind, and practicing gratitude for your heart or soul.

The next thing you need is to consolidate your forces which are time, attention, and energy. Remember where you put your attention, your energy flows, and your time gets spent. You do not want to spend those three on things that do not contribute to your well-being or growth.

So design a timetable and allocate how much time you will spend doing each of the above three. If you have other things like ruminating over your ex, thinking about the past, watching Tv, etc that consume your attention and energy, starve them as much as you can. You need to preserve your time, energy, and attention for your personal development.

With all that in place, we can now go to step four.

Get determined to start over. Yes you can.

Step four: Walking the talk aka Starting Over.

Starting over is not something you can do in one shot or all at ago. Maybe if you only want to start over only in a specific part of life but not generally. If you try to do too much you will lose motivation. You have to go step by step.

It can not be achieved in one night or month. You have to start with small changes to build momentum for the big ones. If you start with the big changes, they might get so heavy for you.

But as you achieve success in the small changes, you gain confidence, self-belief, self-trust, and motivation to move forward. You have to start with the momentum that matches your level of mental and physical strength. Then like muscles, you get stronger to lift heavier weights.

Success in one aspect of life affects other aspects. Before you know it, you are having great changes starting to manifest in a lot of things in your life.

Do not put yourself under pressure to get there. When your partner leaves you because you are poor or fat, you won’t get rich instantly unless you win a lottery or break into a bank. You won’t lose weight the next day. It will take you some time but you will get there with patience, consistency, and persistency.

Just make sure you do what you are supposed to do every day. Small daily successes compound into big achievements. As long as you make small wins like showing up at the gym, meditating for ten minutes, and practicing a skill for 30 minutes daily, you will be shocked how soon you get to where you want to be.

Start with those small goals and work on them until you realize significant achievements then challenge yourself to take on bigger goals. That’s how growth is realized when starting over.

Most of all do not give in to fear, judgment, limiting beliefs, and procrastination.

Tips for starting over.

Change your circles if they hold you back and add little or nothing to your growth.

Start as soon as you can. You do not have to have everything you need in place.

Be patient. Rome was not built in a day.

When you feel like giving up remind yourself that the present pain is temporary and that returning to your old self will only lead you to regrets.

The journey to starting over gets lonely sometimes. Be strong and remember that ahead lies the life you deserve. Not behind.

Frequently evaluate your progress. Celebrate your wins and compassionately give yourself chances where you fall short.

Let your mind be in the present, focused on the future and not in the past.

Affirm and visualize yourself in the life you desire.

Conclusion. The process of starting over is very daunting and challenging. It is however very important if you want to live a life you desire. You can not expect different results by doing the same things that bring you the results you hate. At some point, you have to stop and change the way things are done to change the way things are. How soon you will get where you want to be will depend on how much you desire to be there and how much commitment you invest in working towards getting there. You have the best days ahead, do not waste your life living in your past days. Where ever you are be there and change what is happening now to control what will happen in the future. I wish you the best.

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