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‘’God damn it, this is the last time. I promise to myself I will not open my browser to browse porn’’. That’s the anthem for every human being that is tired of being under the control of porn. Pornography or porn is anything in pictures, videos, audio, or written literature that you never want to look at immediately after orgasm. 

Common porn is in the form of explicit pictures and videos that portray acts of sex capable of arousing and sexually satisfying a person. Porn has both positive and negative effects. However, the disadvantages and dangers it imposes overwhelmingly outweigh any benefits.

Porn can make you lazy and disorganized

What would make someone take time to search for ways to stop watching porn? Well, they are those very negative side effects and dangers it imposes. Most times people seek this option when the damage is already done.

How deep the damage varies from one person to another. Some people realize the need to stop the habit when they have already faced very life-threatening experiences, character or psychological injuries.

It is very rare to find a person with an addiction to porn minus being addicted to masturbation. Even though many are addicted to the latter minus the porn addiction, the two often go hand in hand. If one gets aroused by porn, the absence of a partner to have sex with induces them to use their hands. 

You have perhaps tried all sorts of things to get rid of the addiction, maybe you feel so guilty because it contradicts with your faith and beliefs. Whatever the reason, for the mere fact that you are looking for a solution, am pretty sure this is the post you will recommend to your friend who you think is battling the same issue.

Perhaps you have tried all sorts of advice to deal with the problem only to relapse in a few days. You installed a porn blocker on your phone only to uninstall it when the urge overwhelmed you.

However, all that is more like a painkiller to numb the pain. The reality is the pain is not gone, in a jiffy, it will resume from where it stopped before you swallowed the pain killer. I want to help you do away with the addiction. Not to numb it. Before I tell you how to quit porn, let us first find out when you should stop watching it.

To be honest, there is no big reason to watch porn. The consequences are not worth the risk. But we risk anyway. That’s because we are human beings. Someone advises you to watch porn to learn how to treat your partner in bed. Yes, that’s a great thing to do for your partner.

But we hardly realize we are getting addicted until we start to experience the consequences. But in case you are already battling the habit,

Stop when you have to watch it and masturbate to get sleep.

Stop when you realize that your desire for sexual intimacy with your partner has declined.

In case you often withdraw from social activities to your private room to watch porn

You find yourself watching it at your workplace or any public place.

You would rather watch porn and masturbate than have real sex.

When you can’t stop even when you notice that you are facing adverse effects of the habit.

Stop when you realize you can’t easily get aroused by your partner without watching porn.

In case you realize a decline in intimacy with your partner.

Above are the highlightable common reasons why you should stop watching porn. However, some people face unusual experiences that turn out very consequential.

A certain gentleman (names withheld) raped a young girl because of porn. Fronted before the court, he confessed that he had been watching child porn which instilled an urge for him to do what he was watching. Today the gentleman is serving 25years in prison.

Watching porn can put you at risk of sex-related crimes

A Brazilian teenager who was battling a porn addiction died from excessive masturbation. Well, you might convince yourself that your addiction can not degenerate to such cases but I want you to know that the above two didn’t ever dream of raping a child or death by masturbation.

They just lost their power to an addiction that they didn’t notice gradually taking control of them. You don’t have to wait for such results. There are effects whose harm is very damaging. These may be psychological, social, financial, and physiological. Here are more reasons you should stop watching porn;

Decline or loss of desire for real sex. It might seem like a better choice to watch porn and may be jerk off instead of having sex with your partner but it isn’t. You will lose your natural sexual desire completely. This will ruin your relationship or marriage.

Because you can easily browse pictures of naked women and touch yourself, you wont find need for a sex partner. There is more to real sex you will miss out by just masturbating. It even gets psychologically worse when you can not be turned on by anything but porn.

 Dopamine imbalance. When you watch porn and masturbate, your body gets into an unnatural high that isn’t sustainable.  The dopamine levels released give one a high unusual. Dopamine is a pleasure hormone that regulates the person’s mood.  Porn makes the body release high dopamine which makes a person feel so good.

Eventually the levels decline to a low and the person’s mood declines. In need to feel good again, the brain remembers what stimulated its dopamine. Porn. So you browse it to feel good again. Unfortunately, you reach a point where the porn you view stops stimulating the level of dopamine your body desires to feel good. So you upgrade to harder porn to reach that level.

The initiation is too gradual and insidious in that you reach an extent of watching a kind of porn you wouldn’t enjoy watching at the onset of your addiction. One client who started off watching romance porn showing the conventional and normal sex activities degenerated to watching incest and bestiality porn.

The first time he watched porn, sex with animals was not something he would enjoy watching but because the normal porn reached a point where it wouldn’t give him the satisfaction he wanted, he decided to explore  harder content.

Impulsivity. Impulsivity means acting on impulse or doing something without thinking. A 2015 mentored student research conference discovered a strong connection of porn addiction and compulsivity to impulsivity.

A person addicted to porn finds all means to watch it whenever need arises even in odd places. Because the addiction makes them lose their power to decide on what to do or not, they do as the urges wish.

This luck of will power to think before acting spreads to other aspects of life. It breaks their self-control and ability to curb urges. They develop financial indiscipline and fail to follow their budgets.

They become aggressive and prone to reacting to any emotional triggers. If you doubt your porn addiction, your ability to think before acting is a good measure of it. If you find yourself reacting to anything unnecessarily instead of responding, then you need to do something about your addiction to porn. Chances are it is the root cause.

Low self esteem: Yes, there are very beautiful models used to act porn. If you are a woman watching porn, this distorts the perception of yourself. You start to think you are less beautiful compared to them. You start to compare everything on your body to what you see.

In the end this makes you less confident about yourself. You become more body conscious. You start to feel less deserving of great sex with your partner. You start to feel bad about yourself and then develop low self-esteem.

The men commonly become insecure about their dicks. They start to think they have smaller penises than women desire. A client had given up on sex because he thought his 6inch penis was not enough for a woman to enjoy sex with him. Porn became his go to for an orgasm.

It is important to understand that models in porn are not the abstract icons of beauty, neither are the big penises. Sex is more than just a big penis.

Low interest in normal pleasures. Because porn stimulates abnormal levels of dopamine, a hormone that rewards the body with pleasure from doing certain activities or achieving something, you therefore get to require only things that can stimulate as much dopamine for you to be able to experience enjoyment..

That means that things that you were enjoying before like small jokes, games, movies, etc will cease to be fun because they do not stimulate as much dopamine. So you eventually lose interest in them. You cease to enjoy the company of your friends or family because you start to find them boring.

Porn can make you lose interest in the simple pleasures of life

Low sexual desire in a relationship. When you are watching porn and masturbating you will rarely get the urge to have sex with your partner. You will perhaps have jerked off already when your partner initiates sex. Then you either show disinterest or even be partially engaged when you have sex.

Because you will often times compare your partner to the ladies or men you watch in porn videos, he or she will start to appear less attractive and exciting which in turn makes you less interested in having sex with them.

Weakened will power. Deep down you do not want to watch porn. You dread the act but are vulnerable to it. When the urge comes, you have nothing to do but to open your browser. Just like you can practice to develop will power to restrain from watching porn, you practice not having will power whenever you submit to the urge.

When you restrain successfully, you increase your will power. When you submit to the urge, you are reducing the little will power left. This is when you find yourself unable to do anything except that which you are addicted to. Laziness and procrastination are very common with porn addicts. They just don’t have the will power to do anything however serious or important. And incase they manage getting up to do it, they struggle finishing it.

Social withdrawal. Due to loss of interest in the simple things of life like hanging out with friends, porn addicts become socially withdrawn. They lose the desire to spend time with family or engage in social activities.

They tend to prefer being alone in their private bedrooms so they can comfortably watch porn. Sometimes this is caused by the urges to watch porn or the shame of watching it. The shame makes them guilty of the act so they isolate themselves to feel better away from the people they perceive as maybe not addicted like them.

Erectile dysfunction. Many men have become victims of erectile dysfunction due to watching porn. This most times comes from failure to be aroused by anyone or anything but porn. In turn, they fail to get an erection when they intend to have real sex.

Another cause of erectile dysfunction is compulsive masturbation. Many men have registered injuries from excessive jerking off which made them fail to get an erection.

Financial indiscipline. People addicted to porn are prone to risky and unnecessary expenditures. This results to poor management of money. Many waste money buying subscriptions to various porn sites. They also lose the will power to restrain from temptations to unplanned spending.

How to stop watching porn?

Like I said earlier, most advice you are going to find on the internet is more like a pain killer to numb pain instead of healing the root cause of the pain. I very much recommend that advice too. However, it is only helpful as a secondary way to accelerate and strengthen your recovery process.

If you are advised to avoid being alone, how long are you going to do it? If you are told to install a porn blocking app or software, you can easily uninstall it as first as you installed it when you are overwhelmed by the urge.

Find the root cause that made start watching porn

To stop watching porn, it is much better to attack the engine and heart of the addiction than to target the peripherals.  There are reasons why you got into watching porn. You perhaps wanted to learn about having good mind-blowing sex.

Maybe you wanted to distract yourself from the trauma or pain you were dealing with. You might have been influenced by your friends. In most cases, the root cause of porn addiction is negative e.g. stress, low self-worth, pain, lack of self-awareness, etc. We cannot uproot it with negativity. Only positivity can wipe away negativity. Here are the primary steps to breaking free from the chains of porn addiction.

Step 1: Find the root cause.

When you first watched porn, something led you to develop the curiosity to set your eyes on it. It may not have been something you planned but deep down there is always an underlying root cause that led you to it. Most of the porn addicts I have interacted with started watching porn because of reasons they were unconscious about.

Some of the common ones include; the need to fit in or conform, low or no self-love, loneliness, stress, guilt, other addictions, etc. You will hardly quit watching porn if you don’t address the underlying reason that subjects you to the addiction. Dig deep within you to find the reason why you watch porn.

In a study conducted, it was discovered that happy people have minimal chances of developing any addictions. Which brings us to the question what made you unhappy to the extent that you resorted to watching porn to find happiness?

Unhappiness is the common root. To that root, there is a seed. A seed that developed roots that later led you to addiction. The seed may be guilt, traumas, loneliness, emotional pain, etc. You know your story more than anyone. It may be painful to look back and find the seed that developed the roots of the addiction, but you have to do it so you can get to the other side.

 Peter Newman(pseudo names) had traumas from his toxic parents who were always fighting each other at home. Leaving school for home was a time he hated. One small disagreement at dinner time would set the house on fire. He often withdrew to his bedroom tired of seeing his parents fight.

Browsing through social media he saw a picture of a half-naked model. He then googled her name and saw more pictures of her. For a minute his attention was drawn away from the negative thoughts that filled his mind.

Whenever his parents fought, he opened his browser to see naked models. This later escalated to soft porn then hard porn.

Coming as a distraction from emotional pain and distress porn turned into something he couldn’t do without. When he dug deep within him, he discovered that if there was joy at home, he wouldn’t find pleasure in porn but spending quality time with his family.

Peter’s root cause was unhappiness whose seed was the toxic relationship between his parents.

Without the root cause dealt with, triggers are everywhere.

To others, is the need to fit in due to loneliness and fear of rejection. Many teenage boys started watching porn so they could have something to talk about with their friends.

step 2: Uproot the root cause.

The seed that led to peter’s unhappiness and lack of joy was his toxic parents. He had developed resentment for them and went to a town far away to leave on his own. Even though he was a grown man, he had failed to break free from the consequences the root had brought into his life.

For him to find happiness, he had to first reconcile with his parents. He had to deal with his toxic parents. He had to forgive them and release all the anger he had in his heart. This enabled him to lay off all the emotional baggage he was carrying that had taken away his happiness.

That way he was able to find joy in other things like quality time with family. He learned how to make friends. Peter was able to discover that pleasure can come from other things apart from watching porn.

Discovering the seed of toxicity from his parents, he replaced it with love and forgiveness. This filled him with joy in his heart. Joy is the absence of negative thoughts and feelings. His life got more meaning. He didn’t need to watch porn to feel good. He got used to feeling good from positivity.

The urges to watch porn didn’t stop. No. they kept on coming. A tree whose roots have been cut or killed gradually withers until it becomes lifeless. The addiction starts to wither when you kill its roots as well.

It may take some time but eventually, it breaks.  If you started watching porn because of stress, find a way to take away that stress, if it was because of loneliness, learn to love yourself, if it was because of boredom, explore new hobbies and fun activities or master a skill.

step 3: Find a new habit to be the replacement.

For a while, you have been watching porn and masturbating. Even though you have removed the root cause, porn had taken a big place in your heart and mind. When it breaks from you, it will leave a space in your heart or mind.

In case you go through a similar situation or any other thing that takes away your happiness, you may easily relapse if you do not fill that space. Since Peter replaced toxicity from his parents with love and forgiveness as the new seeds in his heart, he had to adopt habits that match those seeds.

He joined a social club of cyclists and started working out. He made friends with his parents who had resolved their differences. He learned to spend time with them and talk often on phone.

The urge to watch porn lost foundation and became more meaningless to his brain. Because Peter had learned to find pleasure in several other things, his urges became weaker and weaker.

Step 4. Find an immediate go-to option to counter the urges.

Of course, you will not be running to the gym every time you get urges. You will not be happy at all times. There are days you will not be at your best. Those are the days your willpower will be at a low. You will be prone to relapsing during those days. There are small and easy responses you can adopt to counter the urges.

However, they have to be in line with the root cause you discovered. For Peter, the root cause was the negative feelings and traumas from his parents. Whenever he got an urge to watch porn, he used it as an alert to call his parents whom he had forgiven.

He would talk to his mom or dad on phone and by the time he would get off the phone his urge would be gone. This would not only phase the urge away but also replace the neurological patterns of watching porn with those of having intimate conversations on phone with his parents.

With time his mind started bringing him the urge to call his parents instead of watching porn. The logic behind this is the emotions. Emotions are the glue that stick memories and addictions to the mind. The emotions in an intimate conversation replace those from watching porn.

With effort and persistence, you can break free from watching porn.

Step 5. Use the secondary options.

Just like a baby starting to walk, you need external support as well. You are trying to get back on your feet from the chains of porn addiction. This is where I give you a go-ahead to use secondary advice to help you stop watching porn.

Remember this can only work after uprooting the root. Below are some of the things you can do to supplement the above formula;

  • Delete and discard all pornographic material like pictures, videos, audios, written literature etc
  • Have someone other than you install porn blocking software on your phone or computer and not give you the password.
  • Spend less time alone. Find fun things to do outside your bedroom.
  • Find an accountability partner.
  • Meditate to take control of your thoughts.
  • Work out.
  • Clean your environment
  • Track your progress.

Conclusion: The goal is to use replacement as the solution. We replace the bad seed with a good seed which can develop roots to replace the root cause. Our goal is not to resist porn. It is creating an option and giving ourselves the power to choose between the two. It took you time to get addicted. It will take you time to break the addiction. Just like the saying that what you resist you attract. The more you pressure your mind to keep the fight the more you find yourself watching porn again. Am sure there are countless times when you told yourself that it is the last time only to do it again. Do not try to resist watching porn or masturbating. When the urge comes strong, do it. What you should not give up is the new seed and root. Peter didn’t give up replacing his anger with forgiveness and love. When the love finally grew in his heart, the addiction had weakened to the level he could easily choose between calling his parents or watching porn. The major tool here is attention, which develops the ability to control where your attention goes. When the urge comes you give in to it because it takes your full attention. If you divert your attention to something else, your addiction will weaken until it dies. Peter would divert his attention to calling his parents. Do not be hard on yourself just believe that you will break free and do as advised above. It will take time but you will eventually be a free human being.