Sex. Something every adult thinks about every day. Men think about sex at least 19times on average per day. Women think about it at least 10 times on average per day. The mysticism surrounding the activity is infinite. It varies from culture to culture. From religion to religion.
The subjective nature of beliefs and rules about sex in various cultures has tainted people’s perceptions and attitude toward it. This raises questions about morality, essentiality, indispensability, and desirability for sex. Do you have to feel guilty for having sex? Should you have it as you wish? Many more questions. Let me demystify the blurriness surrounding sex.
History of sex
From time immemorial sex has been part of a man’s life. Our ancestors enjoyed it from the caves for all the reasons we have it today. They had it for pleasure, procreation, security, desire, etc.
Because of the cultures that developed in various areas in the world, sex got varying attitudes and perceptions about it. The beliefs, attitudes, and perceptions are hence a result of social conditioning and construct.
David. M. Buss author of The Evolution Of Desire breaks down the root of most of the mysteries surrounding sex. One of those is jealousy and the need for commitment to one partner. Most religions dictate that marrieds should be faithful to their partners and not have sex outside marriage.
Even though this applies more to women the sole root of that principle was to save men from fathering children of other men since they were no DNA tests.
When a woman committed to the husband without having sex with any other man, the husband would be sure that only his children would eat what he hunted. If she cheated and the husband found out, anger and ill feelings in the form of jealousy would arise.
The ability to make a woman commit to you was a sign of strength and power. If your woman slept with another man it meant that she either became doubtful of your power or strength or perceived the other man as more powerful and stronger.
With patriarchy at its peak, society shaped culture to protect men from slitting each other’s throats because of sex. A man would lead to the destruction of a community if he found out another was sleeping with his wife.
The story of David who put Uriah at the frontline of war so the latter could die and leave Bathsheba. Imagine Uriah didn’t die. Would he wage war against his King David if he found out what he had done?. To minimize such scenarios, religion puts up restrictions and restraints to curb the consequences that would result from a free will and free thought attitude towards sex.
Culture, based on the needs of its people, sets up principles and beliefs to guide sex. This varies from culture to culture. The cattle-keeping tribes of Bahima and Batutsi in Uganda and Rwanda understood that women needed sex as much as men did.
When a man went to war or on a long journey, he left his wife with his brother, father, or even a very close friend. In other cultures like the roman catholic culture, a woman was required to wait for her husband until he returned. Even if it took him many years.
The need to survive also shaped the beliefs and attitudes towards sex. If a woman needed to survive in a culture dominated by men, she had to attach herself to the strongest and most dominant man she could find. This gave her assurance of protection, food, shelter, and perhaps respect.
Today, with liberalization and less need for the ancient survival needs depending on strong men, sex is drawing more to the base of desire than survival. Women make their own money that can get them shelter, protection, security, and other needs. With that in place, they can find a partner for sex based on their heart’s desires.
Do we enjoy more sex today than our ancestors did 50 or 100,000years back? Well, I believe so. Man is getting more freedom and easier access to needs than ever before.
With all that, respect and fear of the existing established principles and beliefs about sex are being broken every day. A clear understanding of sex and what it is is being achieved.
Facts about sex
Women enjoy sex as much as men, they just don’t have it as much in their lifetime.
Sex is an all-natural cure for headaches and stress.
Being sexually deprived can cause psychological problems.
A healthy man has 11 erections per day and 9 a night on average.
Sex is for procreation
sex is for pleasure.
The intensity of intimacy and orgasm determines the quality of sex. The more intense, the more quality and vice versa
Sex is a natural right for people of age.
Myths about sex.
Sex is not a sin.
Sex transmits curses. No, it doesn’t.
Sex is immoral.
Sex is a shameful act.
Sex is for the marrieds.
The longer the duration better.
Cross-generation sex is illegal. Yes, it is illegal without consent or involving people below the legal age.
Who should have sex?
For reasons that are for any human being’s benefit. Sex has a legal age that is allowed to have it. In some countries, it is as high as 22 and in others as low as 16. At the legal age, it is believed that a person is mature enough to make an informed right decision to have sex for the right reasons. At the legal age, a person’s body can handle the results of sex that come along after having it. For example, pregnancy.
If you have sex before reaching the legal age, you put your life at risk because your body is not ready or capable of handling pregnancy. For males below the legal age, you are psychologically, physically, and financially not ready to be a father which selfishly leaves the burden to the female.
Above the legal age, only your beliefs and attitude should limit or control how and when to have sex. With respect for diversity, I ask you to respect other people’s choices and not judge them. Who your friend or neighbor sleeps with shouldn’t concern you if it does not cause you any harm.
Young adult men usually have fantasies of sleeping with older women. That does not hurt anyone. If they do, it is okay as long as it sits well with them. Deep down we all desire sexual freedom but due to social conditioning and fear of being judged, we repress that desire. Some people go as far as criticizing others for who they sleep with yet behind the curtains are doing the same thing.
For now, let us first discover the benefits of sex before I tell you more about why it is not a sin.
Benefits of sex and why you should have it.
The benefits of sex are limitless, they are physiological, psychological, social, and in some cultures spiritual. Here are some of them;
Improved immune system. Sex stimulates the production of the immune-boosting antibody immunoglobulin A (IgA) which fights diseases in the body.
Sex improves sex itself.
It gets better the more you have it with your partner. Have you ever had sex with someone and it never went well then the second time it blows your mind and you wonder if it’s really the same person?
Lowers blood pressure.
Sex is a natural relaxer that relaxes every part of your body to vibrate at the most serene frequency. One of those parts is the heart. It puts the heart at peace to pump at the most optimal healthy pressure.
Sex is a physical activity that involves energy from the body. The energy released comes from stored fat. This in turn leads to weight loss. It is right to say sex is a fun form of exercise.
The natural glow. When you have sex, most especially quality intimate sex, the body releases oxytocin, endorphin, and dopamine which are feel-good hormones that make you feel good. When you feel good, it reflects on the outside as well. Your skin glows. A combination of foods good for the skin and sex will have your skin look so beautiful and smooth.
Sex distracts you from pains that your mind focuses on. It is a known cure for headaches and other pains.
If you have quality sex, you will most definitely just want to sleep after. No wonder Chris Brown sang about sexing a woman back to sleep. The body relaxes to a level where sleep comes seamlessly. You will fall asleep very fast after sex.
Consider having sex if you are stressed. Oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins are hormones that minimize the presence of the stress hormone cortisol. These feel-good hormones are produced by sex.
Bonding and intimacy.
When you have good sex with your partner or lover. You reach a level of intimacy that stimulates more love between you two hence creating a stronger bond.
In ancient Rome, old wealthy men were given younger beautiful girls to sleep with. The beauty of the young girls would arouse excitement to the body that would make them feel full of life. This would be done for old women too. It was believed that this would make them live longer. It’s true.
Sex stimulates the production of a hormone called dehydroepiandrosterone
The hormone improves immunity, repairs tissues, and makes the skin healthy.
With all those benefits and more that are left out for the interest of time, why would an activity like sex be a sin? Of course, it is not a sin. However, just like anything else that is misused, sex can be disadvantageous or a sin if abused.
Abuse of sex.
There is a difference between sexual abuse and abuse of sex. Sexual abuse refers to molestation and abusive sexual behavior by one person on another. Sex abuse is basically abuse or misuse of sex. Sex abuse involves sexual abuse and the use of sex in unnatural and harmful ways.
All sexual abuse is an abuse of sex in its sense. Rape, child rape, molestation, sexual harassment, and other forms of sexual abuse are an abuse of sex. other forms of sex abuse include sex addiction, use of unprescribed drugs to have sex, and use of sex to steal from or manipulate a person.
Having understood the above, we come to the question of whose answer we all want.
Is sex a sin?
Sex in its sense is not a sin. However, the intention behind it is sin. If you are above the legal age and your intention is to have pleasure, bond, or procreate, then you are not committing any sin. Please enjoy sex.
Sex after marriage
If you are married. One of the pillars of marriage is sex. The promise to only have it with your partner gives it the value of sex in marriage. It makes it much more than the activity. It becomes a symbol of trust, loyalty, and appreciation that only your partner who has pledged to be with you till death, deserves the natural yet sweet joy your body can provide.
When you have sex outside of marriage, it is not the act that causes the most pain to your partner, it is the betrayal and breaking of the trust and loyalty they invested in you. That is the sin. Not the act of sex.
Sex before marriage
If you are not married or committed, you hurt no one if you enjoy casual sex with anyone you want as long as it’s clear that you are not married or committed. However, with the plenty of sexually transmitted diseases and infections, limiting the number of sex partners to one is the best option. Abstinence is also a much safer solution to STDs and unplanned pregnancies.
In conclusion, sex is not a sin if by doing it, both parties are of legal age, have consented, and will hurt no one by having sex.