Just like how one strength or newly adopted good habit can trigger growth in other good habits and strengths, one insecurity can result in the development of many other insecurities. These are called jars of insecurities.
What are jars of insecurities?
We need to know what insecurity is before we can understand the phrase ‘’ Jars of insecurities’’.
Insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy and uncertainty that brings anxiety and feeling not enough in a certain skill, value, body feature, or ability.
People feel insecure about various things. It can be self-worth, looks, speech, thinking or reasoning, etc. It is okay to feel insecure about one thing. You are human, and by that virtual, you are not perfect.
However, how you deal with that insecurity can either make you or break you. Dealing with that insecurity the right way can boost your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Failing to deal with that insecurity can result in an outbreak of other insecurities which leads to jars of insecurities.
The term ”jars of insecurities” means is an idiomatic term to mean the various things one is insecure about. Each insecurity is represented by a jar. Within that jar there is content, let’s say water, representing the level of insecurity one holds for that very thing they are insecure about.
Take, for instance, if you are extremely insecure about your height, your jar of insecurity about height is full or almost full. If you have some little insecurity about your reasoning capacity, your jar of insecurity for reasoning has little content.
Put in speech, once you have more than one insecurity manifesting in you, one can say you have jars of insecurities.
Let’s look at the common sources of insecurity and their various examples.
Sources of personal jars of insecurities.
All insecurities are psychological. It is only important to highlight that. The thoughts that trigger feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty are perceived in the mind by comparing oneself to others.
One feels insecure by comparing what he or she has, to what society perceives as acceptable or excellent. Once one feels what they have falls below acceptable standards, he or she will feel insecure.
Millionaires will hang out together and all of them feel secure and belonging to the group even when each of them has a different net worth.
However, if one person whose wealth does not amount to a million dollars, joins them, he or she will most likely feel insecure and out of place. The acceptable standard is to at least have a net worth, not below one million dollars.
The same will apply to a group of beautiful girls, a relationship with someone who has several beautiful or rich ex-partners, and joining a workplace of competitive employees.
Understanding that all insecurities are psychological, let’s look at what triggers them or causes them.
Mental-based insecurities are insecurities that make one feel inadequate and uncertain about their mental abilities. Mental abilities can be reasoning, thinking first, ability to analyze, memory, learning, fluency, articulation, etc.
Feeling inadequate in anything that involves the mind can make one feel insecure. For example, John avoided the debate club in school because his caretaker often told him he was stupid. He became insecure about his reasoning capacity.
In his words, he said he avoided the debate club because he thought if he ever stood out to debate, he is submissions would sound stupid to other students who would end up making fun of him or calling him stupid as well.
One does not feel insecure about things everyone is not expected to have. One feels insecure about those things that a person is expected to have like the ability to reason, think, speak articulately or learn. I was bad at chemistry but never at any point did I feel insecure because it is normal to be bad at it. Not everyone in the world is required to know chemistry.
Many mental-based insecurities are not worthy of being insecure about. George was insecure about his learning ability because of his brother who had a very high IQ. Because George grew up with his brother, he thought the standard of being intelligent was his brother. The reality was George himself was smarter than the average person.
Most of the insecurities we have are developed after comparing ourselves with the wrong people.
Physical body-based insecurities.
Physical body-based insecurities are those insecurities that make one feel inadequate and uncertain about their looks and physical abilities. A person with physical body-based insecurities can have insecurities about how their looks, size, height, penis size, size of their breasts or butt, color, etc.
Most insecurities in people are body based. Why? Because beauty is a great point of influence in society. It is for this reason that different societies have different perceptions of beauty. What one feels so confident or proud of in one society, can be insecurity for another.
For example, in the US, skinny is perceived as beautiful, in some tribes of Africa, thick is the ultimate description of attractive. For this, physical body-based insecurities are also very subjective and relative.
Comparison is the major root cause of body insecurities. Even when most people compare themselves with unrealistic so-called faces of beauty. Television and movies have altered people’s opinions of beauty. Everyone wants to look like the actors and actresses they watch in movies.
Videos and pictures make these people look overwhelmingly beautiful. Even still, movie directors pick out the most good-looking actresses and actors they can find. These do not represent what everyone looks like. You have no reason to feel insecure about your looks because you do not look like Angelina Jolie.
In fact, you may be very beautiful yourself. Angelina Jolie just looks perhaps more beautiful. It doesn’t take away the fact that you are strikingly beautiful too.
I have two brothers who are taller than me. It makes me laugh at myself when I remember that I once felt insecure about my height. I am 6 feet. 6feet is tall enough for a man. My brothers are just taller than me. It doesn’t mean that am short.
Beneath most body insecurities, are reasons that do not just make sense at all. Most body insecurities are easy to work on if they are not permanent. You can lose the extra weight, you can eat healthy for glowing skin if feel insecure about it, etc. All you have to do is put in the work.
Emotions-based insecurities are insecurities that make one feel inadequate or uncertain about one’s ability to receive or give the appropriate or required emotions. One can be insecure about receiving and giving love, trust, care, happiness, joy, positivity, etc.
Emotions-based insecurities are acquired through the experiences one goes through in life. The experiences can be traumatizing, painful, and limiting as well. A person who was raised by an abusive parent will find it hard to trust any figure of leadership because he or she is insecure about someone else having authority or power over them.
One who experienced a terrible heartbreak will feel insecure about letting themselves fall in love again because of the fear that they will get heartbroken again and won’t have the strength to make it through a second one.
A friend shared with me that she feels insecure dating good-looking men because other women easily get attracted to them. She dated one good-looking man who cheated on her. Is there any proof that all good-looking men cheat? No. It is only insecurity she has.
Common with men, financial insecurity manifests when a person feels less worthy because of not having as much wealth as his peers. In situations where they get into circles with people doing better than them financially, a person who is insecure about his financial muscle will get anxious and start to either act inferior or put on a façade of being financially superior.
Financial insecurities are often portrayed in form of one spending more than they can afford, buying luxuries, houses, cars, etc which are out of their budget.
How to deal with jars of insecurities.
1. Confront your insecurities.
Face your insecurities heads on to figure out where they are coming from, what is causing them, and what you need to do about them. Do not try to avoid them by using projection psychology.
It will not help. If you are insecure about a certain part of your body that you can not change, learn to accept it so it can cease to be a weapon against you. If it is something you can change, do the needful.
For example, if you are insecure about your weight, work out and eat a healthy diet. If you are insecure about your skills, read, practice harder, and develop mental strength.
2. Make peace with imperfection.
You are a human being. Human beings are imperfect creatures. If we were all supposed to be perfect then the world would be a boring place. We fall short somewhere and score high in other areas. Stop focusing on the things you lack and focus on your strengths.
A lot of people have strengths they hardly know of because they are too busy trying to hide their insecurities. If you focus on your strengths, you find that your insecurities were just mere limiting beliefs that weren’t a big deal.
3. Work on yourself.
Here is the thing if everything you are insecure about was to come easy, you would be born rich, with a six-pack, a high IQ, perfect looks, etc. But unfortunately, they do not come easy. You have to put in the work.
Be like a sculptor of your life, working on yourself every day to remove the things you do not want in your life and add those you want so you can become the best version of yourself. As you do that, you will gain more self-trust, self-confidence, self-love, and your self-esteem will skyrocket.
4. Cultivate positive thinking.
Stop giving power to the negative thoughts that occupy your mind. What fuels insecurities are the negative thoughts. A person insecure about their smile will avoid smiling because he thinks people will laugh at them yet in reality no one minds and will love the energy you give off when you smile.
Stop looking for the negatives in every situation in life. Life is up for you to enjoy. No one is looking out to spoil your day. When you look for positives they are what you will see.
Carol used to feel insecure about her forehead. She thought it was bigger than normal. Every time she would be talking to people, she would try to cover it and felt anxiety because of it. I asked her to let everyone see it and stop trying to cover it, when she braved going out to people without covering her forehead, she realized that people didn’t even care or even think it was big. It was all in her head.
5. Avoid toxic people.
Some toxic people will learn of your insecurities and maliciously use them against you to hurt you. They will often do things that trigger those insecurities because they know it’s a weakness you have. For you to be able to deal with those insecurities so you can become immune to them, you need to first cut those people out of your life.
Simon felt insecure about his financial status. His girlfriend Jackie often compared him to her reach ex and friends. When Simon cut Jackie out of his life, he was able to face his insecurities by starting a business online which made him rich.
6. Develop self-reliance.
Most of our insecurities come from our dependence on other people. If you depend so much on people for love, approval, financial needs, emotional support, decision-making, etc, you become vulnerable. You start to develop insecurities in those areas. Develop self-reliance, emotional self-reliance, financial self-reliance, intellectual self-reliance, etc. When you depend on yourself for most of your needs, you become more confident, love yourself more, and lose most of your insecurities.
In conclusion, jars of insecurities are most times senseless negative beliefs about ourselves that either you or society imposed on you. If you take a deeper objective look at them they are not as a big deal as we think them. We can use them to serve us instead by focusing on our strengths. Even if you are insecure about something permanent like a disability, you can use it to become your strength, Nick Vujicic, a motivational speaker born without limbs has inspired a lot of lives through his speeches. He turned his insecurities into strengths. You too can do this. I pray you empty your jars of insecurities.