Even the most experienced in matters concerning relationships will need someone to talk to about them. A lot of emotions get so involved when we are facing challenging situations with our partners.
Because relationships are more built on what we feel rather than what we think, we become very emotional and fail to make the right decisions.
For this, we often need a reliable, trustable, and perhaps more experienced person to talk to. Talking to another person comes with a lot of benefits. However, it can bite you instead if you talk to the wrong people.
Not every person that breathes is worth talking to about relationship problems. There are those you will talk to and walk away a better person. There are also those you will talk to and instead become more emotionally hurting or even exposed.
Today, you will explore who the right person to talk to is and why. But first, let’s find out when to talk to someone.
When to talk about relationship problems with someone else.
We become more experienced, wiser, and more resilient if we let ourselves go through situations, being accountable and responsible. Not every time you find a mountain in your way someone has to carry you past it. Most of the time you have to climb it by yourself to get to the other side.
For every ten problems you face in a relationship, you should be able to at least solve seven of them on your own. This means cultivating a certain level of patience, empathy, self reliance, and understanding for your partner to be able to detach from your emotions and biases to make the right decisions.
That aside, you are a human being, you get stuck, overwhelmed, and sometimes break down. In such a situation you may not be able to make the right choices. In this case, it is very wrong to stay silent or try to deal with things on your own.
Chances are high that you do not have the emotional stability and detachment to make the right decisions or even support yourself through a challenging situation.
It is there very important to find someone to talk to when you are in the following states:
Talk to someone if you are stuck and can’t figure out a way out of a situation.
When you are not sure that your decisions are the best.
When you are emotionally broken and in extreme emotional pain.
When you are subjected to physical or psychological abuse by your partner.
When you have tried your best to get your partner to understand you but failed. Perhaps a third party would make it easy.
Benefits of talking to someone about relationship problems.
If you talk to someone with more experience in relationships, you will be able to get advice and wise counsel to help you deal with a problem in the best way possible.
Sometimes we get so broken to get up on our legs, talking to someone can help us get the emotional support we need to get out of a tough situation like heartbreak.
A lot of times we think that we are acting and responding rationally. The truth is that it takes a great level of self-control to think rationally in a relationship. Many of us do not have that much self-control and if not guided by another person, we end up making decisions that we later regret and wish to undo.
Relationships are about sacrifice and selflessly considering our partners. But the truth is that at the base of man is selfishness and self-centeredness that often influences our decisions and actions. Talking to someone can open your eyes to what we may not be seeing that fundamentally influences our actions or those of our partners.
When in a relationship, sometimes we develop grudges, anger, and biases against our partners and fail to understand them even when they are right. A third party in this case is a much better candidate to influence decisions in the relationship.
Because of a lack of someone to talk to, many people are stuck in abusive and toxic relationships which have sucked all energy, confidence, and self-love from them to move on. Many people have been helped by family, friends, and counselors to break away from abusive partners who had ruined their lives.
When you talk to someone, you feel relieved and less burdened by a load of your problems. You feel loved and cared for. In times of challenges in a relationship, many people want to be listened to and given a shoulder. Talking to someone able to do that makes one feel cared for.
Dangers of staying silent when you need to talk to someone about relationship problems.
You will make wrong decisions that you may later regret if you stay silent when stuck, overwhelmed, or going through an emotional breakdown.
We never have the wisdom and experience to get ourselves through new challenging experiences. You didn’t know how to deal with your first heartbreak. You needed someone who has been through it to support you.
Staying silent can keep you trauma-bonded with an abusive partner which can result in emotional, physical, and psychological damage.
If you stay silent, you will keep a lot of negative energy, anger, guilt, and emotions that can later turn into bitterness and make you a bitter person which takes away your joy.
How to talk about relationship problems.
Many times, when we open up to someone about relationship problems, we tell an imbalanced story that puts us in the oppressed or victim position to make our partners appear as the total offenders. This is most times done unconsciously or intentionally. It is important to tell the story in its truest form.
Use extreme empathy and honesty to not only highlight your partner’s contribution to the problem but yours as well. Do not live out the lies, toxic behavior, or any bad thing you did to your partner. Expose everything in the context of the problem. Only through total honest can you be able to find the best decision and action to take.
NOTE: It is important to find a private and conducive place when talking about your relationship problems. You would not want anyone eavesdropping on your conversation.
Qualities of the right person to talk to about relationship problems.
Maturity. The main factor to consider before you talk to someone is their mental and emotional maturity. That person has to be able to listen without judging, able to keep a secret, willing to listen, and patient enough to let you express yourself.
Listening. Being listened to itself is sometimes all people need to feel better. When someone sits down and lets you speak your mind without interruption or breaking their attention is very therapeutic. A person worth talking to when about relationship problems should be able to listen to you.
Altruistic. Being able to show concern unselfishly for the well-being of others is one thing you should look out for from the person you want to talk to. With altruism, one will be able to know what you are feeling, what you need to feel better and the best solution to the problem.
Caring. Of course, you will not just go to anyone that seems altruistic, mature, or able to listen. That person has to have care for you as well. Yes, some random strangers can be kind enough to support another stranger but quite often they are rare to find.
Find someone that cares for you. Someone that does not only do it to expect something from you but one that cares for you without expectations. Only that person will have the ability to give you true advice.
Who to talk to about relationships
The people to talk to.
Family is where we start from and where we end. Family members live with us from the day we come into the world. They know how we think, act, behave, and all our different traits. They love us unconditionally and are always there to offer help at no cost. Find that family member who understands you then have a conversation about your relationship problem.
2. Close friends.
Close friends are more than just friends. We open up our lives to them to see and know a lot of things that we cover up in other spaces. We are less inhibited around them and be at our truest selves when with them. Close friends are not usually many. From those find one or two to talk to about your relationship problems.
3. Religious and cultural elders.
If you come from a religious society or one dominated by culture, there are usually those elders who have accumulated a lot of social experience over time. They have great people skills, are reliable, and are very caring about members of their societies. Find one and open up to him or her. You will definitely get the right advice and help you need.
You can also find skilled therapists who major in relationships. These can be sex therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, and dating gurus. Even though they do it at a cost, they have the experience, wisdom, and reliability to help you solve your relationship problems.
5. Offline and online support groups.
There are many support groups online about relationships. Browse one and join, please. These groups are full of people who will give you advice and guidance without any influence or need to impress you.
However, it is important to take it with a pinch of salt since many of them simply give advice out of their personal experiences that are sometimes biased or not genuine.
There are also offline groups that you can join to help you solve your relationship problems.
2. The people to not talk to.
1. Emotionally damaged people.
People that are going through emotional pain or damage will hardly be in a position to give good advice or help. They are unable to detach from their emotions to analyze the situation from all angles. Find someone who is emotionally healthy.
There are people who you laugh with and have conversations that never get deep. They lose so little betraying your trust and will sometimes do things to impress you so they can get something from you. Even when you are in wrong they will not be genuine enough to tell you. Avoid those.
Some people are experienced in relationship issues, listen and even care for you but have a weakness of gossiping and are unable to keep secrets. Do not dare open up to those as well.
The last conversation.
After talking to someone, have it at the back of your mind that no one can be 100% logical about a situation. We all get through situations in life that often influence our thinking. Even at the best of our emotional stability, they creep into our thinking. Listen to advice and analyze it on your own. Retrospect and decide whether to take it or not. People can give you advice but the choice to take it is always yours.
When people give you advice after opening up to them, they often use references and examples of situations they have themselves been through. This is done to clearly show you a point they want to put across. Listen to those examples or experiences they share and ask questions to understand them. If you find loopholes in them, take their advice with a pinch of salt. It takes two to tangle. If someone’s experiences only tell you about the antagonist’s bad side without being vulnerable enough to admit their contribution to the experiences they went through, that person is just projecting and not giving you genuine advice. The right person gives two sides of a story. Share with me your evaluation of who you would talk to about relationship problems.